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The Girlfriend's Guide to Health will be updated every Tuesday.... Stay tuned dear readers and let me rock your world.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

In Case of Emergency

Last week I took my dogs to the vet. Yes, I am ONE OF THOSE people. I will not defend my love for my furry monsters; only to say that yes, I know they are dogs and no I would not give them chemo if they were diagnosed with cancer. I love my puppies. They are fuzzy and cute but I am well aware that they are DOGS.

That being said, I somehow find it completely acceptable to spend 45 dollars to have their nails clipped. In my defense, sweet sisters… my older dog Lola has black nails. Have you ever cut a dog’s nails that are black? This poses a problem because the anatomy of a dog’s nail is such that there is what is called a “quick” that is essentially a tube of flesh that run inside the nail that houses the blood vessels and nerves. If you cut the nail too short you will cut the quick.

If your dog has white nails- the quick is easy to see. Black nails? It’s totally a guessing game. In fact I would argue that of all the advancements we’ve made in science and technology today- you’d think there would be some way to cut a black dog’s nails without fear and the threat of a massacre. Cutting a black dog’s nails is still pretty much a crapshoot. If indeed you cut the quick of an adorable black long hair Chihuahua who only wants to lick your face and you are indeed a monster.

And so, I leave this to my vet’s technician. I pay 45 dollars for a professional to take one for the team and my dog Lola, still loves me shamelessly. As for the technician? Lola fucking hates her. 

But I digress. There I was in the vet’s office when I saw the most unusual advertisement. There are THUNDER JACKETS for dogs. In general many animals are petrified of thunder. We’ve all heard the stories of dogs hiding under meds and owners during thunderstorms. My dogs are completely oblivious. I don’t know why but I do know that most dogs are petrified of thunder.

According to a study published in the Journal of the American Animal Hospital Association in 2001 a survey of 69 cases of “Thunderstorm Phobia” shows that it is indeed most prevalent in herding dogs (41 of the 69 cases). More than 25% exhibited features before one year of age. Methods to control such phobia include giving the dogs a mild sedative or wrapping them in a tight fitting jacket, blanket or shirt.

And thus the THUNDERJACKET was born. Apparently this jacket makes the dog feel safe. And don’t we all just want to feel safe?

It turns out you can buy said jacket online (or at my vet’s office) and sure enough the dog gets the fashion equivalent of an Ativan.

I left the office thinking about this concept as I made my way home with freshly manicured pups in tow.

A piece of clothing that you put on and sure enough…. It provides you with a sense of safety.

We all have said fashion items in some for or another, don’t we? Sure there is the obvious:

Safety goggles
Sun Glasses
Bike Helmets
Rain boots
Winter Boots
Gloves
Hats
Mittens

There’s the obvious protective gear out here for any occasion.

But what about the items we wear to protect the most important parts of our beings?

Bill Cunningham the famous fashion photographer once said,

“FASHION IS THE ARMOUR YOU WEAR AGAINST THE WORLD”

Too true MR. Cunningham, too true.

I got home from my vets office and gave Lola and Ruby a treat for their effort. (Yes, I reward my dogs with food- I am a terrible parent. But rest assured I reward myself with shoes)

I went upstairs to my closet and looked around. There hanging were numerous “Thunder jackets” of my own; pieces of clothing, outfits I had bought over the years with no real occasion to wear them other than that in a pinch- they made me feel safe.

Just last week I bought a ball gown on sale (80% off sweet sisters- it practically bought me) that is perfection. It is a serious ball gown- silk taffeta with muticoloured bats on it. I have absolutely nowhere to wear this thing. But I brought it home, put it on and immediately started doing my paperwork in it.

Three weeks ago after a grueling workday, I cycled home, changed out of my bike gear and put on a cocktail dress to do laundry.

I watch the Oscars every year in full evening attire. I wash a bad day away not with a glass of wine but by putting on a perfect pair of strappy sandals. Right now I am wearing Charlotte Olympia’s Lobster shoes and my pajamas.

These are my metaphorical THUNDER JACKETS…. My armour against the world, my fashionable port in a world full of storms.

Isn’t that what a girl needs sometimes? Some sort of place in her every day life where she feels safe? When we were kids it was a safety blanket…. Now it’s Manolo Blahnik?

I suspect this sounds ridiculous to some but indeed these iconic pieces in my closet soothe the soul. Each has a story and a purpose. Some are art and just pretty to look at- others remind of the place and the time and the feeling that I had when I wore them.

Perhaps I’m shallow, perhaps I’m superficial or maybe I’m a fashion prophet. Maybe I am on to something? Maybe like those herding dogs a percentage of us need a “Thunder jacket” of some kind to get us through the day.

Judge as you will my sisters…. But before you do, might I suggest you get yourself just one perfect ball gown- one perfect piece of clothing with no rhyme or reason. Something pretty and impractical- frivolous but fabulous. Maybe you already have? Buy it or get it out of storage and put it on after a perfectly shitty day….

And go do the laundry.


Fashion is indeed the armour we wear against the world my sisters…. And it’s often a war out there. So thunder jacket or not, you had best, dress accordingly.

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