Yes, I am a runner. Fast or slow, long and steady…. I am a
runner. May be I’m in it for the
shoes, maybe I’m in it for the health benefits… hell maybe I just run from
brunch. But indeed, I am a runner.
It has dawned on me in this year of running that indeed
there is a rhythm to the sport of lacing up ones shoes and pounding pavement or
trails or treadmill or a flat surface of any kind in the pursuit of…. The
pursuit.
So this past Saturday there I was with my last long run
before my taper in preparation for my next race.
Yes, my sisters- in just 5 short days, I will run the
Scotiabank Half Marathon. This is not my first 21.1 km race. I’ve been running
for about 7 years now. My first half marathon was in 2007 and I’ve been running
them ever since.
I do love a good half. It’s just the right distance to allow
me to eat brunch without guilt while still allowing me to walk upright the
following morning.
And so it dawned on me somewhere along my recent 20 or so km
run that indeed there are stages to a run.
Humans love to keep track don’t we? We love to record the
passage of time and the stages of life. We have stages of growth, we have stages of life and yes,
even in death we have stages of grief. Indeed, one such girlfriend, Elizabeth
Kubler Ross even documented such stages of grief in her world renowned work ON
DEATH AND DYING.
As an aside- the book is a fabulous piece of work. I would
argue it has become an iconic reference in our grief nomenclature.
So I could not help but wonder if the lessons from Kubler
Ross could be applied to other
stages in life…. Perhaps the stages of running?
Let’s be clear my sisters- I am in no way poking fun at
grief in general or a personal grief in particular. I myself have had my fair
share enough to know that once in a
while a good laugh is mandatory. If you find the comparison between
stages of grief and the following offensive, please accept my heart felt
apologies in advance and feel free to boycott my blog for at least, shall we
say, the next calendar year?
But if you are a runner or indeed you dare to try it, might
I say in advance (and I’m not over-reaching) that I think you may identify with
my following little rant.
THE FIVE STAGES OF RUN
STAGE 1: DENIAL
Denial usually begins the night before the
run. Maybe you are eating a little too many carbohydrates, maybe not. But somewhere along the way you think
to yourself…. 20km? No big deal. If you are training for an even longer
distance you lull yourself into a false sense of security of some kind. There’s
no way running 38km is a bad idea? I’ll be able to handle it. This kind of
blind disconnect continues into the next morning and perhaps even well into the
first five or six kilometers of your run. I suspect its how a mother feels when
giving birth to her fourth child. As the kid is ripping through her body with
no apologies and no morphine she thinks…. There is no freakin way this is going
to hurt that much.
STAGE 2: ANGER
Anger in running typically manifests itself
in what I like to call ATHLETIC TOURETTE’S SYNDROME. This is where I swear
profusely somewhere around 12 kilometres into the run and usually while on an
incline. Anger is your brain’s way of bitch slapping your body for even
thinking that 3 hours or more of exercise was anything but a shitty idea. Anger
can also be directed at the skinny sister in front of you who is indeed the
size of your left thigh and is running (and chatting) without a care in the
world. She typically has a perfect ponytail that sways back and forth,
rhythmically mocking you while your hip begins to throb.
Rest assured anger can indeed be a useful
stage in running. It often propels you faster on your run and is a creative
outlet for all those explatives you wanted to say in your everyday life but
could not. When else in your life can the rubber meet the road while you scream
MOTHERFUNSHOUSE for all to hear?
Fortunately, anger tends to pass as the run
progresses. It must. Runners are a pretty happy group. If anger does not pass
you will likely give up running all together and take up golf. Why golf you
ask? Golfing by its nature is a very angry sport.
STAGE 3: BARGAINING:
Ah, the runner loves to bargain. Half way
throught he run you make deals with the road and with yourself.
“I’ll run to the next bridge and then I’m
done”
“I’ll eat another energy gel and then I’ll
run for another 45 minutes”
“I’ll walk for 60 seconds until I can feel
my left foot and then I’ll start to run again”
As for me? I bargain with retail rewards.
If I finish this marathon I will buy myself a new pair of shoes. How
extravagant these shoes are directly correlates to the amount of suffering I am
currently feeling in this race or training run. In short? I trade my pain for something pretty. I bargain
back and forth in my brain on how much I will run and nothing is for nothing.
Yes, it is juvenile. But both my body and my shoe closet have benefitted for
some time.
Bargainers often bargain well before the run…. If I eat this
chocolate torte, I will run that 10km race…. Bargainers are everywhere and they
do indeed drive the sport.
STAGE 4: DEPRESSION
Most people would think running is a great
cure for one’s mood. In fact in many large scale randomized trials exercise has
been shown to be an excellent treatment for depression. Here’s the thing….
Somewhere after the first hour of a three hour run you realize that you are
only 1/3 of the way through. Heads up? That’s where the sadness begins. Some of
us cry, some of us look at our watches and wonder why is it our body can’t go
any faster. Some of us just settle in to the sadness and get ready for the next
stage. Which is of course….
STAGE 5:ACCEPTANCE
Yes, my sisters…. Here it is. This is where
you sit back and resign yourself to the fact that you are indeed a lunatic. I
say sit back only figuratively of course begin stage 5 usually comes somewhere
near the end of your run and by this point you can no longer feel your hips.
Sitting down is not an option. Why? Not because of the will of a woman but
because you physically can no longer sit down. And so like any good girlfriend
with the will of a woman you just keep on running.
There you have it my sweet sisters. We are
full into running season. The Sun Run is past, the Vancouver Marathon down. My
eye is towards London 2015 and my love for Boston swells as that city continues
to be Boston Strong.
On this that note I leave you with the five
stages of running that all of us go through in the pursuit of our own physical
excellence as we strive to push the limits of human abilities.
As for me? I continue to push my own
boundaries of fitness when the rubber meets the road. Should I fail to meet my
own limits? I will always have my shoe closet to remind of the real pursuits of
excellence.
Have a great week my sisters. Run safe and
run strong.
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