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The Girlfriend's Guide to Health will be updated every Tuesday.... Stay tuned dear readers and let me rock your world.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

The Bitch is Back

I must admit my dear girlfriends….I am bit cranky these days. Perhaps it’s the weather, perhaps just the way but I have lost my usually sunny disposition. Yes… this is bullshit- I really don't have a sunny disposition. Make no mistake, I don’t delude myself that I ever had one. I’m not one of “those girls” who thinks they are pleasant when in fact they suck. I realize I’m a bit of a bitch… but hell- if you dress a bitch up in pretty clothing she can be tolerable- can’t she? Look at Anna Wintour. The woman has a reputation for being evil- but she is a style icon and thus- really she’s fabulous.

Stick a bitch in a pair of great shoes and hell- she’ll walk a mile in them…

But lately I am blue. Bluer than…. the fabulous pair of Louboutins I had to buy last week just to get myself out of this funk… and I could not help but wonder… was this seasonal? Was this hormonal? Worse… was this permanent?

Let’s take a poll my cyberissters… raise your hand if you can’t be in the same room with yourself lately??

I notice my recall is not what it used to be… Make no mistake- I have a pretty good memory to begin with- I can multitask with the best of them. But lately I notice I’m not as snappy as I used to be. I can play a wicked memory game in my closet…. Which shoes are in which box? No problem. But I am finding that I am often forgetting my keys a bit too often.

This is topped off with a touch of sleep disturbance. Yes I am now one of "those old ladies" who wakes up at 4 am bright eyed and a bit neurotic. 

So between the moodiness, the forgetfulness and the sleep disturbance I am either a nasty insomniac with early onset Dementia or I’m premenopausal.

I’d love to be dramatic… but I think it’s likely the latter. FU$# (I promised my mother I would swear less in this blog... add the "CK" if you must).... Her comes menopause, here comes menopause… rolling down menopause lane?

Menopause is the term used to described the gradual cessation of reproductive functions in association with systemic symptoms associated with the withdrawal of certain hormones in the body.

Menopause is an unavoidable change that every woman will experience, assuming she reaches middle age and beyond. Menopause has a wide starting range, but can usually be expected in the age range of 42–58.

Early menopause can be related to cigarette smoking, higher body mass index, racial and ethnic factors, illnesses, chemotherapy, radiation and the surgical removal of the uterus and/or both ovaries.

It is officially declared after a woman has ceased to menstruate for one year.

Perimenopause is defined as the period around menopause when periods become irregular. Pre-menopause is defined as the period around perimenopause where systemic systems of menopause occur without the change in menstruation. In other words… you are bitchy and you don’t know why.

I recently read an article that cited that human beings are not the only animals to go through menopause.  Apparently menopause is quite uncommon among other animals.

Yes, again, I envy my dog Lola. Not only is she so freaking cute that perfect strangers stop her on the street, but she is seriously cuter when she is chubby and apparently sails through her change of life without a nod of her chew toy.

Nonhuman primates such as rhesus monkeys and chimpanzees have been reported to go through menopause. It has also been observed in the guppy, the elephant and some whales.

The hot flashes result from vasomotor instability as a result of drops in estrogen.

The moodiness associated with premenopause have been shown to be associated with fluctuations in the levels of serotonin found around this period of time.

Recent studies have shown that antidepressants can be helpful in the treatment of hot flashes, improving sleep, mood, and quality of life. There is a theoretical reason why SSRI antidepressants might help with memory problems: they increase circulating levels of the neurotransmitter serotonin in the brain and restore hippocampal function.

Look… I may be premenopausal. I may just be paranoid. I will turn 42 this week and I'm getting kind of tired about the comments on my appearance and my age.... you know "you don't look 42..." Blah, blah, blah. It all has hit me like a ton a bricks and I am spending some time learning to cope with it. Rest assured I'm working it through. Give me time. By my 43rd birthday I will be very well adjusted. Bear with my my cybersisters…. We will make it through.

Make no mistake, I am a FAN of drugs…hell I prescribe them every day. If you need em- use em.

But I think I will deal with my premenopause with a trip to NYC in the next couple months. The spring lines should be in stores and nothing resets the hormonal levels like a three day shopping bender. The Big Apple and its Fashion Trends need me and it turns out my life changing physiology needs them as well….

If it turns out I am not premenopausal… my wardrobe will definitely be no worse for wear….

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