I’ve been thinking a lot about regret these days my
girlfriends. I’m not talking about the usual things we wish we had not done-
you know tequila, old boyfriends… that period where we only dated musicians and
that little black dress that does not quite fit.
I imagine we all have regrets in life. Perhaps they shape
our future choices; perhaps they challenge our behaviours gone by. All in all
I’d like to think that I’ve learned a little bit more from roads I’d wished not
taken than from the times I was pleased as punch.
Could it be true? Could it be that those art house musicians
we dated while drinking tequila wearing a black mini skirt and pink leggings
really were the most heightened educational experiences life had to offer us?
Is it not basic psychology that life is learned through mistakes made and not
successes achieved?
When I was 8 years old my parents signed me up for violin
lessons. Let’s be clear- I was no Stravinsky. Frankly I lacked neither the
patience nor the foresight to be really good at a musical instrument of such
magnitude.
Let me clear- as a kid, I was a smaller, marginally less
mature version than I am now. I do not say this to elicit the usual, ”no,
that’s not true” response. I am, if anything, my girlfriends, quite self-aware.
I don’t propose that I am immature now. Heavens no. In fact, it is quite the
opposite- I was a pretty decently self-actualized kid. The problem is that when
you are a somewhat bossy, self-important eight-year old- you are going to find
it more than a challenge to listen to grown ups about the importance of playing
a musical instrument that is neither comfortable nor easy to excel at. As far
as a violin goes- I was destined to fail.
Firstly, I hated practicing the damn thing. I lacked the
physical prowess to be any good at the violin. You see I was a rather compact chubby kid. Holding a musical
instrument up to my face only served to remind me how big my cheeks were. This
is a fact that no eight year old can face with humility and grace.
Secondly, my violin teacher, although a lovely man- was
terribly passionate about his art- and I… well… I failed to share his
appreciation. I was, in short, a musical lost cause. I wanted a musical
instrument that I could sing to…. Musical theatre style. A violin just does not
cut it when you want to be the next Bernadette Peters or Patti Lupone. In my
young mind, I saw a violin as the kind of instrument a young delicate girl
plays in servitude while her overbearing parents stand by.
And so because of a conceptual misalignment between what I
perceived a violinist should be and who I was as a self-actualized eight-year old-
I quite violin lessons after about 3 horrific months.
This is my first memory of a true regret. Now thirty
something years later, whenever I see someone mastering an instrument I look on
in longing and remorse. I atone for what could have been had I just stuck it
out long enough to self-actualize into a true musician.
Since then there have been regrets to follow. I think of the
little ones I’ve made along the way- bad meal choices and bad fashion moments.
I think of moderate regrets that range from my third ear piercing to some
seriously poorly thought out haircuts.
Finally I think of permanent regrets- friends lost and
things left unsaid.
I am fortunate that the five star regrets are few and far
between. I can scarcely recall them as I write this piece, which is of course a
good sign after all.
However, I do wonder if my musical follies impacted me in
the long term. A study published in Nature in April, 2007 showed that taking a
music lesson before age 12 significantly influence a person’s brain patterns.
The study
began with 20 healthy regular every day people. The adults watched and listened
to a movie of their choice.
As they
watched movies, the volunteers also listened to Mandarin words that sounded
like "mi" continuously at conversation level in the background.
Mandarin is a tone language, where a single word can differ in meaning
depending on its tone. For example, the Mandarin word "mi" means
"to squint" when delivered in a level tone, "to bewilder"
when spoken in a rising tone, and "rice" when given in a falling then
rising tone.
Researchers
recorded the neural responses of the volunteers using functional MRI’s and PET
scans. Half the volunteers had at least six years of training in a musical
instrument starting before the age of 12. The others had no more than three
years of musical experience. All were native English speakers who had no
knowledge of Mandarin.
Even with
their attentions focused on a movie, the musically trained subjects were
significantly better at tracking and distinguishing the three tones better than
those who had very little musical training.
What was
even more surprising was that the brain patterns of these musical volunteers
were different.
Surprisingly,
the researchers found these changes occurred in the brainstem, the ancient part
of the brain responsible for controlling automatic, critical body functions
such as breathing and heartbeat.
What is
even more interesting is that music was thought largely to be the
responsibility of the cerebral cortex, where higher brain functions such as
reasoning, thought and language are seated. The brainstem was thought to be
unchangeable and uninvolved in the complex processes linked with music.
The
researchers concluded that this study showed us how malleable the brainstem is
to experience. Much of course remains to be seen. For example how long do you
have to take musical lessons in order to engage your brainstem? Could musical
training affect other brain systems and what does this mean in the long-term?
I’ve always been a fan of music of every kind, my
girlfriends. You can easily see me on any given day running the sea wall while
singing out loud to anything from show tunes to hip hop. Could my exposure to
music also change the way my brain adapts to the world around me? Further
studies suggest that this is in fact the case.
And so, I will no longer live with regrets about my lost
violin solos. Instead I will dwell in the fact that I did in fact have 10 years
of piano to shape my brainstem.
Between that and music appreciation runs, I continue to live
in the moment and dwell in the possibilities that my brain will continue to
grow and change along with me.
Of course my girlfriends, I can only hope that my closet
learns to expand with the change.
Your articles and blogs are inspirational.
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