Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Those Three Little Words
Newsflash dear girlfriends… wait for it….
I HAVE BANGS.
Yes, a few weeks ago I sat in a chair for a cut and colour for two hours while a lovely Italian man called Antonio talked me into what he called “Dah FRREEENGE” (AKA – “The Fringe”- say this in a fake Italian accent and you will get the full effect – trust me it works like a charm)
“Ahli” Antonio began, “I Lika you with a dah freenge”.
Antonio is from Napoli- he’s the Italian version of Warren Beatty in Shampoo (For my younger girlfriends who have no frame of reference? Warren Beatty was to Shampoo in 1970 what Ryan Gosling is to every movie… to date)
Yes, dear cybersisters I did have ½ a milligram of ativan on board in order to sit still for almost 3 hours (how do we do it my sisters?) and still Anotnio ws truly charming.
Firstly- no disrespect to the love of my life but Antonio is fabulously Italian.
As my girlfriends know- I do love me all things Italian.
I would argue that all of my essential food groups are in fact Italian:
All things Prada
Milan has provided me with more happiness than I could ever hope for. And so given my relationship with the “Mother Country”?”Happiest place on earth”. I took Antonio’s words of wisdom and let him snip away.
Afterall- Italy had given me such goodness thus far- I did not think the land of plenty would let me down.
Turns out- Italy’s track record with me remains strong. The bangs (or as Antonio calls them “Dah Freenge”) makes me look 10 years younger. This of course makes me wonder how old I looked with my forehead exposed to the elements- but alas I can not dwell.
As it happens my fringe and I are now very happy together. Having bangs of course now take a bit of extra effort. I cycle to work and now need a straightening iron at the office in order to primp the bangs before starting the day. Nonetheless, it is worth it.
Why only last week a group of twenty somethings were admiring my new “Zoey Deschanel Do” (their words, I swear) and I made a comment that after 40 it’s “Bangs before Botox”.
“You’re 40?” one of them said in what was a bit of horror? “You don’t look 40! You look great for your age.”
And right then and there these cute little twenty somethings went to the top of my shit list. Just like that. Those 3 little words…. FOR YOUR AGE… put that little generation Z girl onto my “no fly” list.
In fact in my experience:
FOR YOUR AGE= DESPITE YOUR AGE = WOW I’M SHOCKED
What does 40 look like?
Does it look bad?
Why is “for your age” the shittiest disclaimer alive?
Here’s the problem with being over 40- my girlfriends- people constantly tell you “You look good… FOR YOUR AGE”. Those three little words “FOR YOUR AGE” – well they suck.
One might say that they are just 3 little words- what’s the problem? Ever a fan of language I highlight for you the power of the “three little words” in our history:
I LOVE YOU
I HATE YOU
YOU HAVE CANCER
NOT ON SALE
GO FUCK YOURSELF
See? Three little words can really pack a punch, n’est pas?
No science this week my girlfriends- just a much needed rant.
FOR YOUR AGE- is a really shitty disclaimer and I propose we abolish it entirely.
Here’s the thing- My mother is 71. She’s amazing. Yah, sure she’s a bit of a pain in the ass (who’s mother isn’t?) but she is amazing. She works out for an hour a day on a treadmill and wears no makeup with the exception of lipstick. She has never dyed her hair and is blessed with the best head of salt and pepper curls I’ve ever seen.
The only thing artificial on my mother is her right hip. But even she is told that she looks amazing….FOR HER AGE. Hell I’ve even said that to her.
So here I am- calling out to my sisters- a plea for us to abandon the disclaimers and just tell each other how freaking awesome we look… PERIOD. Let’s get rid of the three little words that start the war and raise our (reading) glasses and toast one another once and for all.
Here’s to Antonio! I am forever grateful to him- he talked me into something that I again do not regret- As with his countrymen from seasons past- he is yet another Italian who when it comes to looking and feeling good- did not let me down.